Thursday, March 12, 2009
Photo by Dimitrios Kambouris/ Getty Images
Who's really in charge of our emotional health? It appears that everyone from Oprah,Ellen DeGeneres is weighing in the Chris Brown and Rihanna situation. Yes, it is true that there was an altercation between them. It is true that Chris Brown as reported appeared to be the one that was doing all the hitting. The question is what sparked this violent altercation? Recent, statistics show that about one in three high school students have been or will be involved in an abusive relationship.We must stop here, Chris and Rihanna are not in high school.We must stop here and ask ourselves how many adult are involved in abusive relationship? Chris and Rihanna are young adults. The first question that came to my mind when I heard about this was what in the world are our young people seeing? According to the Oprah Show that air on 12th of March both of them have seen some type of abuse go on in the home as children. In an early interview on the Tyra Banks Show Chris Brown said he wouldn't want to hit a woman because he saw what happened to his Mom as a child. It effected him so bad that he would wet in the bed. Could it be that what they saw as children is now having an effect on them? Or could the aggressive or violence behavior that we all see everyday through the media be having an effect on them? We may never know. But, one thing that we do know is that this was never their intentions. Chris Brown and Rihanna have been the model young couple for some time now. It has been reported that Rihanna loves this guy. There has been no type of abuse or aggressive behavior reported until this night. So, why this night? Dear readers we need the answer to this question. We also need to know who is in control of your emotional health. Are you or somebody else?
Many woman are saying Rihanna get rid of the this guy. It is a tragedy that it would take two young people like Chris and Rihanna to awake the consciousness of America on domestic violence and emotional health. It is also sad that many will now give advice to Rihanna and come to her aid when all the details are still not clear. Do we not think that Chris Brown should also be given advised. It is evident that he does have a problem. I have yet to hear one person say Chris Brown apologized and just let her go. I have yet to hear anyone say Chris Brown tell your part of the story or Chris Brown you and Rihanna should get together and tell what happen to set the record straight.What many fail to realize in this situation is this, not matter what you say to either side they will have to make decision for themselves. They will have to make the decision for themselves because we can't make it for them. Rihanna can be saying that he made a mistake and that he will never make again. Chris on the other hand could be realizing now that he made the biggest mistake of his life. As we sit here and say what this one or that one should do they are going to live their lives regardless. Why? They are ultimately in control of their emotions. I'm sure some are saying it's the other way around. We all have a right to our opinion.
My friend learn a lesson about relationship. When two people get emotionally attached only they can seperate themselves. This is not to slight Rihanna or Chris, but this has to be said. In relationships abusive or non-abusive, individuals become selfish. In most cases one person just wants to be loved. They will go to the grave trying get that love from that person that they want to love them. This sometimes lead to possessive behavior.What do I mean by possessive behavior? What I mean is wanting that special person all to yourself. In some relationship one partner is smother by the other. They follow that person everywhere. They want to know whose is on the phone. Who is that sending you a text message? They want to be loved, but they have a touch of insecurity. They feel that they can't live without that person.The other person wants love, but they also want control. They want what they want, when they want, at the time they want it and that time is usually right now. It's kind of like the behavior of a baby. The baby cries for what he or she wants until he or she gets it. The baby throws a tantrum until he or she gets it. The baby because violent. I think you get the point.In successful relationship a compromise is worked out so that all will be satisfied. In most relationships especially in the beinning there a growing pains.True love ultimate takes control if that is what they want.In a non-successful relationship (or abusive relationship)there is simply no giving in on both sides. One accepts the abuse for love, while the other controls and abuses for what they think is love. These types relationship usually end tragically.
I have to say this.It is wrong for a man to hit a woman. It also wrong for a woman to hit and man, but it is more acceptable because men are suppose to be macho. It is also wrong to rape a woman. But, this also occurs with men. But, most men are to embarassed to standup and tell about it.They know that they will be look upon as a wimp. What I'm I getting at? This is my point we live in a society that has a double standard. A woman can yell her head off. She can provoke a man to want to knock her head off, but when a man does it it is called abuse, emotional abuse.
When a woman hits a man people say that the man should just walk away. Yet, when a man hits woman no one is telling her to walk away. During the Oprah show a teenage student was asked about the Chris and Rihanna situation. She said, "if she hit him then she deserve it". She look at this situation as if Chris Brown was defending himself. My friends abuse or violence is never right. We all need to learn how to handle situation without abuse and violence. You never know whose watching you. In Rihanna and Chris Brown situation the media was watching. If I could talk to these two young people I would say don't ever let anything like this happen again. Love each other, trust each other and most of all be honest. Finally,I must say this make your own choices in life because you will have to live with them. Don't ever let people make them for you. You are ultimate responsible for your emotional health and well-being.If you need help (this applies to both and all) get help before it's too late.